So, I'm sat here in the dark because the light in my room is completely and utterly non-existent (translation: the light bulb has died. BRB planning funeral) and no one will let me light any candles or anything because all the candles in our house are "ornamental". This does not mean they are not made of wax and lack the ability to be lit. They just "look so nice that it would be a shame to spoil them".
Thanks, family. Thanks very much. The life of your candels is much more important than the strained eyesight of poor little Jessica.
I mean, yesterday, I burned myself when I was taking something out of the oven! I...I now have a little burn mark on the inside of my left arm, just above my elbow. No, I'm not really sure how I managed to burn myself there either but, trust me, I'm good at these things. And, it's not my fault I don't know what simmer means! It's all well and good you rolling your eyes at me, nan, but that won't help me cook my Super Noodles, will it? No, it won't. It really, really won't.
And another thing! I spotted a sewing needle and thread in my dad's room and thought 'Oh, hey! This is my chance to create something! Something the world has never seen before! They thought when they saw Lady Gaga's meat dress that they had seen it all!! But, no. Ohhhh no. They haven't seen anything yet!'
So, to prove my point, I started randomly sewing together parts of my sweatpants.
My green sweatpants.
That I was wearing.
Now I know what you're thinking.
"DUDE OMG WTF WHY? JUST WHY? YOU FAIL AT LIFE! YOUR WIN IN LIFE IS AS NON-EXISTENT AS UNICORNS, MERMAIDS AND KEY'S PEEN. YOU SHOULD NOT ATTEMPT ANYTHING. EVER. JUST STAY WHERE YOU ARE. DON'T TOUCH ANYTHING, DON'T BLINK. DON'T EVEN BREATHE!"
I know, okay? Believe me, I know so hard.
Well, anyways, I kind of ran out of thread, so I was left with something similar to a braid effect going up the front of my sweatpants and a needle sticking out of my pants leg. At that moment, I thought maybe it would be a good idea to try and remove the needle and thread and put it somewhere where I won't ever find it again.
But, you know, dark. No light. Dead lightbulb. Off-limits candles.
So, that proved harder than it should have. I eventually managed to locate some scissors and cut the thread where it goes through the eye of the needle.
Searched for needle.
Forgot it was dark.
I ARE DOMESTIC GODDESS.
m y s t a t e o f m i n d: okay